Full honesty..I didn’t always keep my cool. I did work real hard to keep it out of the eyes/ears of the kids but, my poor husband definitely got a front row seat. I started a journal after about a year of dealing with bullshit, hoping that it would help get everything out instead of venting it all to my husband. It helped but it wasn’t enough because shit was happening 24 hrs a day. We literally never got a quiet moment for the first four/five years we were together.
I would go to the court house with my husband but I would wait in the car because the first time I went with him, she absolutely lost her shit. So much so, we had to get a new court date. The Judge wouldn’t move forward with the hearing that day because she was being so ridiculous. After any court date she would let the narcissistic flag fly high. I mean, she would call my husband a couple times an hour screaming at him.
I wish we had kept the tapes from the answering machine, yes we are that old, with the insane threatening messages she left on a daily basis. She threatened to blow our house up while we slept, she said she was going to cut the break lines on our trucks (She did on my husband’s truck, we didn’t even get out of the driveway with it) and then she threatened to call my job and do whatever it took to get me fired. She showed up in the middle of the night and was looking in thru our bedroom windows.
How the hell am I supposed to keep my cool while she is doing all of this? How are we supposed to just act like our lives are normal with all this bullshit going on? She broke into our home, destroyed it, stole my clothes, shoes and broke every bottle of cologne my husband had on the wood floors. Broke half our dinner plates all over the kitchen floor.
I wish I could say this was all just made up, that we didn’t actually live this daily for too long. But, it was our lives! It was what we lived through. It is what we had to deal with. It was what we had to learn to see as a daily occurrence. We had to learn to handle this all while also trying to keep things as normal as possible for the kids. To shield them when we could. And then we even got to the point of having to lie to the kids about certain things. We hide so much from them.
As I type this, there are still things that they kids don’t know. There are still times that I don’t tell the whole truth to the middle kid. When she reached out at 16 after leaving her mother’s home…it was hard! We were so damn excited to hear from her. So excited that our younger girls would get to know their sister. We were also nervous. It had been a long time since we had had any contact with her due to the ex wife cutting off ALL contact.
My husband was so happy and excited to rebuild the relationship with her. And they did just that. They had been talking/reconnecting for about 3 months when the real questions started. She had asked questions before this but they weren’t too deep. It was like once she got comfortable with her dad again, she knew she could start asking all the questions she wanted the answers to.
Him or I answered all the questions she had, we did however leave some details out because she was 16. She was still young and had already been through more than her fair share of life lessons due to the ex wife. She had already been feed lies, taught to hate her father and I. Her head had even been filled with hate towards my parents because the ex wife couldn’t have any more sets of eyes on what she was doing to us and the kids.
One question really took me on a roller coaster of emotions! My husbands and I sat down to talk about how to answer it, how much information were we going to give her, should we give her part of the answer and then give her the rest when she is older?! I told her that we would answer this question but, she would only be getting the information we felt that she needed at that point. And that we would revisit it later with the rest of the information when she was a little older and when we knew she could “handle” it.
I kept my cool answering questions but, I will be honest here. I was in tears, I was pissed because this child should never have had to feel like she needed to ask these questions just to understand what/why and how her life had gone the way it had. The ex wife should have Never put the kids in the positions she did and still tries to do.
I honestly don’t know how I kept my cool when on the inside I was absolutely fucking losing it!
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