Boundaries are needed in a lot of divorces/separations but, it’s extremely important to do so when either party moves on and gets into a new relationship! Whatever those boundaries are, understand that they will change and they will evolve with the situation. I suggest you have a conversation with your husband/boyfriend on what kind of boundaries you want to put into place before you start seeing issues with the ex.
The first boundary I would have loved to have in place and it be followed, would have been for her to not try to insert herself into our relationship. She tried so hard to be in the middle of our relationship and it was definitely unhinged! We didn’t get into her relationship or even know the guy she was living with. My husband knew him from being in the tow truck world but, never tried to be friends. It was ridiculous. It was unhinged and definitely unhealthy!
The next boundary I would have made very clear was that the phone calls needed to be about the kids and the kids only! The non-stop phone calls were not only inappropriate but not necessary because they never had anything to do with the kids. She literally called my husband one night to bitch and complain that her man didn’t react to her when she went to bed naked….yes, you read that right! He handled it better then I would have, he just said “Well, I’m sorry. But, we both sleep naked over here so I can’t help you!”
The next one, would have been that when we had the kids, she could call them but not to the extent that she did. The oldest had a cell phone, along with both my husband and I. So, calling them wasn’t an issue, it was the amount of calls and the drilling of questions the kids got while on those phone calls.
I asked that I be left out of the any of the divorce court dates. They had separated before I came around and I did not need to be in the middle of that. However, the ex-wife could not do that. She went as far as trying to have me subpoenaed to get my bank records to use towards child support payments. Her and her lawyer had gotten the idea that my inheritance from my grandfather was some how relevant to what she believed was owed to her in child support. We don’t know how she even knew about an inheritance. One of the kids told me later that she was pissed that she would never see MY inheritance and that it was unfair for my child to benefit from it but not her kids….make that make sense!
There are of course “smaller” boundaries that should also be in place. The way you talk to each other in front of the kids or how you talk about the other parent in front of the kids. Those should be common sense but, I know for a fact it isn’t. The ex will in fact talk shit about you to the kids! And when the kids come to you and repeats what the ex is spewing, you need to take a step back before you respond while being be pissed. And that is hard, I know it is but, the conversation will go smoother if you do it when you aren’t mad. When responding don’t go at the ex wife but, correct her lies without slamming the her. The kids don’t need to hear that but, they do need to know the truth of the situation, to an extent!
We didn’t talk boundaries until it was too late…meaning the ex-wife had already over stepped numerous times and absolutely didn’t see an issue with it at all. The first example that sticks out the most is when the ex-wife placed her hand down my cleavage, did a back and forth motion with her hand in between my boobs and asked me if they were “real”. This happened at the country bar we use to go to, we had been out on a date and she had “just showed up” within 30 mins of us being there. We were walking off the dance floor when she walked over and did this. Before I could even react, my husband immediately grabbed my wrist with my fist balled up and pushed the ex-wife away from me as he stepped in between us. We left the bar within ten minutes of that happening because my husband was not going to let me go to jail that night and I wanted too. Haha! We didn’t even know this whack job was at the bar till her hand was in my cleavage but, she did this a lot, just showing up wherever we were!
Insane shit like this continued to happen and my husband continued to tell her was over stepping, she needed to stop. But, once a whack job gets away with something, they tend to continue to do stupid shit. And unfortunately it gets worse as time goes on. There’s so many things that happened that I would be sitting here typing for hours. Another example that comes to mind is the day the ex-wife showed up at our apartment unannounced, while my husband was at work and she had no reason to be there. I opened the door to her holding her hand out with a wedding ring set in it. I just looked at her like WTF? She then said that she thought I would want an nice wedding set so she figured she would offer her set from her and my soon to be husband. How the fuck does that? What the hell went through her mind that made her think this was a good idea and that I would be happy about it?
At the time I had a ring with two carts total on my finger and was more then happy with it. No way in hell was I going to give that up to wear a ring the ex bought and told my husband they were getting married with. I would never! Thats full blown insanity!
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